I remember the letter i wrote to you, that you read the last time i saw you.
"You once said these words to me:
you are a wonderful person anyone be fool not see your qualitys your unselfness your very being i just hope that i can be everything you need and deserve"
Those words made me feel like i had a meaning in life once again after 15 years. Those words made me feel wanted again.
Then you changed your mind. I understand that. It was a rebound thing, and i am not much to begin with.
You made me so happy though for a short time, like maybe i would maybe get my life back again.
I have told you before that i don't cry, haven't in 15 years, not even one tear. I have had a very cold heart.
Since i met you i cry every day. Partly because i met you, and partly because i am so afraid it would never work between us.
And most importantly, because I want you to be be happy and i'm not sure i could ever give you that happiness...and yes. that has been my hesitance to do anything. I am just afraid i would never be able to give you what you want or need.
I Am not sure what those wants or needs would be.
I know that none of the above means anything to you.
I am not ever going to be a guy your interested in.
It is obvious we are not meant to be together,,, but why did we meet?
I guess maybe God only knows...
I just wanted you to know my feelings.
Merry Christmas! And I Love You Cowgirl,
Randy"
And i will never forget your response after reading it.
"God put us together, because i am going to need a friend, and you needed to get your life back together."
You will always have a friend Lisa Owens. And there will always be a place in my heart for you Lisa.
One thing i don't understand... You always refer to Tod as remarkable. I really, no matter how hard i try can understand that.
He took a down to earth farm girl with a huge heart, and some how converted her into his on private porn star.
He doesn't support you, he is mean to you, he cheats on you, he lies to you, he threatens to kill you..... But yet, you consider him remarkable. I just can't understand that...
Maybe some day... i can understand how a woman can love a man that hates her so much.
I am not going to advertise this page. Some day you will find it. And you will know how i feel. And you will know that i never used you. And you will know that i never lied to you... But most of all, you will know that I Love You Lisa Owens....